Article Written By: Joe Petsche
In October 2026, Colorado Springs residents joined the national book club to read How to Know a Person by David Brooks. Dubbed The BIG READ, it invited us to dive into the book together, to discuss and maybe even restore the social fabric of our communities. Those who joined the online discussion were called "Weavers." As stated online, "Healing our social fabric won't happen overnight, but weavers are working across the country to improve their communities every day."
I couldn't have been more excited to join and read this book. I love community and connection, and Hey Neighbor was sponsoring a local in-person discussion. Best of all I’d get to talk about the book with my fellow Community Coordinators. And also, I haven't been in a book club since, maybe, the summer reading program of elementary school! So I jumped in with two feet.
My first task, signing up online, was a bit of a struggle. The project is hosted by the Aspen Institute. Okay, got it. Now, what's Weave about? Oh, it's the website platform. Okay, I'm in Weave, so we're done, right? Nope, now I have to join The BIG READ group inside of Weave! And there's a Zoom meeting to get started. I'd better do that; maybe they can set me straight. Oh dear!
After reading the first few chapters, I was very impressed with the complexity and depth Brooks brought to the table. This caused me to calm down after the sign-up debacle. I wondered: if others are reading this too, what will it be like to connect at this deep level with people outside my normal circles? What will that look like? Can I release my tough outer shell? I took this as my challenge for the month: show up for others in a different way and to listen without an agenda. Simply stated, start with understanding.
I got back on the website and embraced being a Weaver. I especially enjoyed the weekly challenges. A new one was unveiled at the start of each week, and I looked forward to it every time. One week's challenge, for example, was to sit with someone and try not to offer "fixes" for their problems. An opportunity presented itself right away: a friend needed to talk through an issue. I listened deeply and watched what I said so I wouldn't offer fixes. I let the pauses run longer and said "I see" and "that must be difficult" more than usual. It seemed to be working. I was more relaxed, and the conversation went as well as I could have hoped.
I kept reading, taking notes all the while. The book is packed with nuggets: references to other books I might read, good quotes, and checklists. With the date of the Hey Neighbor In-Person Book Club quickly approaching, I began to struggle with the dense middle of the book, including the chapter "How Were You Shaped by Your Sufferings?" Chapters like this one take on heavy topics such as suicide. But I knew the final section, "I See You With Your Strengths," was going to be good, because it's all about becoming an illuminator. Brooks uses "illuminator" for someone who makes the people around them feel seen, heard, and understood, and he contrasts illuminators with "diminishers."
Ready or not, the night of the Hey Neighbor In-Person Book Club arrived. It was time to shine. What a turn out! We packed the Homa Cafe with 25 people. All age groups, and from all around the city. We snacked on some appetizers while Kelly introduced the evening. Then, we broke into four groups, each being led by a Community Coordinator. In our emails leading up to the event, we promised that it was OK if you didn't finish the book; the point is to join and play along.
In my group, I asked everyone to share how they balance humility with the need to tell their own story. One person shared a time they had failed at this. Another said that being able to be misunderstood is a gift. And another said that humility is synonymous with closeness, both physical and emotional. It's easier to be open with another person when you are in the same room with them. It’s easier to be connected with others when you are free to share your emotions deeply.
Also in my group, we had a side conversation about Brook’s prequel: The Second Mountain. It’s about how we spend our lives climbing a mountain in search of career success and personal happiness. The second mountain comes after we hit a difficult time and re-evaluate what is important to us. I’m going to leave it at that and let you discover the rest.
To close each group, we borrowed an idea from the Weave weekly challenges. We asked everyone to name one next step, a small challenge to carry into the week ahead. Each person wrote theirs on a post-it note and stuck it on the wall. By the end of the night, the wall was covered in bright squares of good intentions for all to see and be inspired by.
Hey Neighbor's Thursday night book club ended with great joy and peacefulness. I personally felt that we all connected deeply, across every group and with every person. We didn't need to get meta; we knew it without speaking. Nobody was in a hurry to leave. But I still had many chapters to finish!
I look forward to the next book club with Hey Neighbor and you! Which leads me to my final question: what should we read next? This spring was The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. Tell me your pick at joe@heyneighbors.org or find us on social media. I look forward to seeing you all again.
